Stretch! said the Balloon Lady

14 Things My Friends Better Tell Me

1–Shirt is tucked inside underpants and underpants can be seen above pants-pants.

2–I stink or smell iffy.

3–Flakes on my shoulders, or in my hair, from dandruff or a dry scalp.

4–Food on my face or in my hair or on my person.

5–Spinach or anything foreign in my teeth, nose or eyes.

6–Toilet paper on my shoe (or anywhere else on me)

7–My fingernails have crud under them.

8–My dishes have crud on them.

9–My ears have crud in them.

10–My husband’s having an affair (I know, it’s #10, but after 28+ years together I have priorities)

11–When I monopolize a conversation too much.

12–When I’m a bitch too much.

13–When I overstay my own pity party.

14–A dumb joke to cheer me up if I’m blue.

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